think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize