my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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