We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
