U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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