I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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