Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
