I accidentally had phone sex last night
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
do herpes really smell.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
