I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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