I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
it was like eating out sand paper
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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