Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
