If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
