He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
