I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
