Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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