so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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