I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
