i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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