fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize