I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
