he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
