It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize