So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize