i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
