I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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