i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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