I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She tied me up with her honor cords...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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