all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize