Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
