We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
