I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
sex in a hospital.. check
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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