her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
