i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
