We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
