yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
