Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
