Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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