I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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