We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize