quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
