A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
