I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
