last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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