some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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