If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
