it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
