Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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