The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
