So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
