mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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