You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
