And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
