i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
