I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
