our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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