i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
