You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
