i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
