Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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