all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
