Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
