Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
