can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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