can u get pink eye on your cock?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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