HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
