im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize