I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
