I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
