sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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