that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize