we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
