I wish I only lived at night.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
