I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize