im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
