I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
