she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I miss vodka workout Fridays
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Randomize
