my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
