Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
