Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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