Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
