So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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