Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
