don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
