we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize