I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
