someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
