thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
