i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize