somebody snuck up and got me drunk
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
