My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
