I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
