Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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