So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
