A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
