also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
