Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
