why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
