dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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