nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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