Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
