u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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