I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
