I heard we made out
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
