NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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