you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
