I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
