Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
